In the Name of Allah,
All praise is due to Allah, the one who created everything.
If I make a mistake, it is from my ego, and if I say something good, it is from Allah.
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran 30:21)
This world depends upon the societies that exist in this world. Society of Humans. Society of bacterias. Societies of animals. Societies of plants. Societies of rocks. So on and so forth. Society of humans depends upon families. Family depends upon the relationship of wife and husband. All other societies were created to serve the society of humans. In essence, the whole world revolves around the bond between a husband and wife.
In order for this bond to exist, there are pulls and pushes (rights on each other), just like a bond between a sodium (Na) and chloride (Cl) atoms have, in the salt molecule. God, due to his immense love for his creation, sent us the balanced push and pull model to keep the molecule of the family stable. Slight imbalance in this ratio can result in an explosion or disintegration. Either is bad.
Islam is the only system that provide those details, and if one doesn't follow the rules provided in Islamic Sharia, they are taking a chance with their relationship.
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.)" (Quran 4:34)
Since Allah created the man and women different, with different abilities and different needs, it is absurd to think that the bond between a big atom and a small atom can be created by an equal force of push and pull (rights). Non-Islamic culture try their best to setup that bond, but sometimes explosions are happening (man abusing their wives), and sometimes disintegrations are happening (divorce). Only if they read Quran and follow it that they will find the best balance of rights and duties. So What is this balance prescribed by the creator himself?
"...And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise." (Quran 2:228)
Following is the explaination of this verse by the second most knowledgable person in Quranic understanding.
Ibn `Abbas said, "I like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I like for her to take care of her appearance for me. This is because Allah says:
[وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِى عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ]
(And they (women) have rights similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable.)'' This statement is reported by Ibn Jarir and Ibn Abu Hatim (Ibn Kathir)
In a nutshell, husband and wife has same rights over each other, except what is distinguished or reasonably different. If we don't find an instruction in Islam which differentiate the rights of man from woman, and there is no logical difference in the rights, equal rights must be applied.
Some of the examples of Allah's command to distinguish the rights of man from woman is follows.
- Woman has the right to be fed, and provided, without any promise of anything in return ( such as house work or cooking etc)
- Woman has the right to own property without sharing with husband, but she has the right to share in husband's earnings.
- Woman has the right for extra liniency during her menstural periods from Allah and man.
- Man has the right to go to the wife, unless she is physically unable to like sickness. Woman can not refuse because she does not feel the urge. This is to prevent man from commiting adultery, because man is weaker than woman in perseverance
- Man has the right to chose who his wife befriends (male or female).
- Woman has the right to sin, as given to every human by Allah, and husband is not responsible for her sins, but he is responsible to share the knowledge required to make the decision.
- Man has the right to divorce, if there is an acceptable reason
- Woman has the right to seek divorce from the authorities, if she is being opressed.
- Woman has the right to work, if it doesn't interfere with other rights.
....
I understand that many rights listed here are contraversial, and if you beleive that I got them wrong, please contact me with evidence and logical proof using that evidence for Quran and Sunnah.
I would like to discuss the right to sin that I listed above. Many men confuse the slightly higher status Allah gave to man as a permission to police the wife's piety. They will compel her to follow Islam like she is a child. Now, children have to be compelled to pray Salah, but thats only until they reach pubirty. We are not allowed to compel anyone over the age of pubirty to follow Islam. And, establishing marital relation is not allowed before the age of pubirty in Islam.
"There is no compulsion in Islam" (Qur'an, 2:256)
This command applies to husbands towards their wives as well, because there is no evidence of an exception. Upperhand given to man is to resolve conflict and make decision in the matters of family, and not to make the wife pious. For example if wife did not follow the command of Hijab before marraige, and the husband try to compel her to wear hijab, it is an opression. He accepted her in marraige with her existing piety level. On the other hand, if she was wearing hijab, and then stops wearing it after marraige, then the rules of indecency will apply and husband has several choice and one of them is to divorce her. There is no option to imprison her or compel her to follow.
"O People! it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste." (Last Sermon of Muhammad (PBUH))
In fact, rights of husband and wife are equal to each other, except a few matters where Allah has given man a upper hand, and that is for a reason. Allah has given man the upper hand on administrative matters, and he has the final authority on matters that relate to family in general. If no one has an upper hand in those matters, it would be very difficult to run the family. Allah has given man the right to approve his wife's friend and Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used his last sermon make that ruling. If man had the right to decide for everything in wife's life, it was a waste of our Prophet (PBUH) time to mention that, whereas he never said more than what was needed. And he reminded men that they will be judged for their treatment of their wives, which I think is the most important part of the relationship.
A pious huband should be more afraid of abusing his authority then his wife not looking like a pious woman, because the former leads to Hell fire, and the later leads to a personal jealousy. So, extra precaution should be taken when invoking the upperhand right, and it should be similar to President of the United States invoking the right to veto a bill.
Here is how I deal with my wife, and if you like you can follow it. My wife was a non-muslim, and accepted Islam before we got married. After 9 years of Marraige, I started practicing Islam, and wanted her to practice Islam, but I was scared to become tyrant, and never asked her to wear hijab. I did however pointed out the verse in the Quran to her ordering women to wear hijab, and made the case when the opportunity arose. Once she accepted Allah as the final authority on everything, she chose to wear hijab, and my dua was accepted. If she didn't chose it, I would have died married to her, and died praying for her. She will answer for her own deeds, and I will answer for my deeds.
This does not mean that if the husband or wife is commiting indecent acts that you do not warn them and separate from them. It just means that we should have enough taqwa and understanding to convince our spouses regarding the truth, instead of telling them that they ought to do "this".
If we live in a unIslamic society (which is the whole world right now), we should be extra linient towards women, except what ordained by Allah.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was reported to have said: 'The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives" (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi).
And Allah Knows best
JazakAllah Khairin
A Struggling Husband
Abu Arman (Adnan Jumani)
No comments:
Post a Comment