Marraige in Islam

In the Name of Allah.

All praise is due to Allah, the creator, the sustainer.

Any mistake I make is from my ego, and any good that I say is from Allah.

Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “The most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses.” [Bayhaqi]

One of the pious person was talking about a recent wedding of a close relative they attended, and with great pride he spoke about hundreds who participated in the Nikah, and Valima. I was puzzled to hear this, because I remember the hadith above which clearly states that it is better to keep the expenses at the lowest for Nikah ceremony, if one wants to get blessings of Allah.

It is not too surprising, because it is quite common in Pakistani/Indian families to glorify and spent thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars/rupees. I didn't pay too much attention to this fact until I came across this hadith. It is certainly not haram to spend all your money in your daughter's wedding, but it is sad to see the avalanche of peer pressure it creates.

When I proposed my marriage over the pay phone, and performed the Nikah with 4 or 5 men, one of them a catholic, inside the Masjid in Queens NY, I didn't realize that I was receiving the best marraige a Muslim can hope for. Since that day, my life has been filled with more blessings then I can count, Alhamdulilah ir RabilAlameen. I was as broke as you can be, and with no hope of finishing education. However, I did spend on Valima, because my mother and my sisters were really upset about the fact that they couldn't follow all the hindu traditions of Mehndi, and Mayoon. Looking back, it wasn't even my idea, because I wouldn't go to Masjid for Jum'aa either, but agreed to it, since I can Marry for free in the masjid.

So what is the wisdom in Prophet (PBUH) saying the above? It is very clear that marraige has become a transaction that scare most of us, and keep most of us bachelor, because we need alot of money for the hall, food, gifts, clothes...etc, the wife has to be perfect with the beauty with no match in the family, or at least from a family that has a higher status in the society.

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:“Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”(Muslim)

If, for some reason the marraige doesn't workout, and the daughter comes back home, it is not even possible to remarry, because the debt from the first marraige is not even paid off yet. Also, men run away from a divorced women like a plague. The companions were opposite of this, and will make sure that no woman is without proper support and a husband.

Months of planning and a big bank balance is required to get married nowadays, but why? Who are we trying to please? Ourselves? Our new spouses? Shouldn't we try to please Allah?

On top of all this, haram activities have become norm, and a successful marraige ceremony need to have a DJ, and a non-Mahram hip-shake fest. Hindu traditions are being kept alive in the hearts of young muslim boys and girls. Money spent alone can make the marraige an activity out of reach from many poor families, and the women wait years to get married. Some of my mother's sisters are still not married. It is not because they have some defect or have bad character. It is because we have change the rules of the game, and made it impossible for them to get married.

Let the non-muslims run after the most luxurious weddings, and we, muslims, should follow the command of Muhammad bin Abdullah (PBUH).

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.' [Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

Would you lke to practice Islam? Marry as early as you can. Choose a pious person over wealthy. Marry for their character, and marry them in the simplest way possible. You will not regret it InshAllah. Marry your daughters and sons, as soon as they are able to earn money, and do not follow the path of the people who compete each other in this world, if and only if you believe in Allah and the last day.

The mutual rivalry for piling up (the good things of this world) diverts you (from the more serious things), Until ye visit the graves. " (Quran 102:1-2)


JazakAllah Khairin
A struggling Muslim
AbuArman (Adnan Jumani)